In Memory of my beautiful Nannie

Reliving a complete Nightmare

It all happened so fast. I couldn’t believe it. One minutes she’s talking, then next just GONE. This is not ok. I am not ok.

It is with a broken heart that I share this heartbreaking news with you all. My incredible Nannie passed away yesterday to stage four Lung Cancer that spread like wildfire so fast. I still can't believe it. 

She's finally at peace and no longer suffering. After ten years, Nannie is finally with the love of her life, John, whom she has been waiting to see forever. That is the one thing that gives me comfort and peace, knowing she is no longer suffering and she is with the love of her life again.

Nannie was my everything, my rock. We spoke daily to check on each other and had the best memories. She spoiled my girl, Dory, too. 

I don't know who I will call when I need advice. I don't know what I will do when scan day arrives, and I won't get a " Good Luck, Dani, I love you, you got this" phone call anymore. She is the first and only person who wishes me " Good Luck." " Let me know how the Doctors go today."  She is also the same person, If I don't call after a doctor's visit, she blows up my phone and says, "Call me when you're awake." I want to know how everything went today. This is such a massive void in my heart I don't even know how to continue life without her here. 

My life will never be the same without the best Nannie in the world. I know in my heart Papa hugged and greeted you with arms wide open in heaven. 

When Nannie got sick the first week of November, just days before my birthday, she said, " I'm not doing this $hit, Dani." I don't know how you do it.  I told her Nannie, I wasn't given a choice; I have to. And you're going to do the same. We will pull through this together. Nannie then saids,  I am telling you that I will not be doing this for 11 years like you, Dani. How the hell do you keep up with all these pathetic doctors? The last thing I said to her was, I will get you the best Doctors, and you will keep fighting because you have two children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren who love you so much. Then she kept quiet and she shrugged her shoulders.

I'll try for you, Dani. I didn't even say anything back; I just smiled. You see, Nannie was a tough cookie with Doctors. She always hated them. She hated going. It was always too much for her. We believe this started in June after she had pneumonia multiple times. Unfortunately, it was way too late (November) when we found out the tumor was so large that it was inoperable, which caused her to have trouble breathing.Then the cancer spread everywhere. We all know how scary that is. I understood. The worst thing she had ever said to me was on Thanksgiving day when I watched her alone at her home: " I finally truly get what you go through ." And that was it. I lost it for days. I was numb. I didn’t want her to go through what I go through every single day. 

Thank you, Nannie, for giving me the best life ever. You and Papa were the most incredible grandparents ever. I'll always cherish our daily talks. I am going to miss it all. I am completely lost already. I feel like a huge void and a part of me is gone. I don't know how I will live this life without you. You see, I can still hear you say, " I don't have any more words for you, Dani," after every hospital or doctor visit. She even yelled at me two weeks ago at the hospital when I went by bus every day to see her, and she said, " What are you doing taking two buses in your wheelchair in the cold? It's too much for you." I said no, it's not. You're, my Nannie, of course I will be here every day. Why wouldn't I be? Then she shrugged her shoulders and kept quiet. LOL.

Thank you for loving my baby girl, Dory. Thank you for always being the best listener in this world and guiding me every step of the way during this crazy life I have over here. 

You rest now, my sweet guardian Angel. I miss you so much already. I wish heaven had visiting hours. I would do anything in this world to hold you forever and talk to you again. I am so grateful you heard us all the other day and opened your eyes. I know you heard us all. 

I promise I'll keep up with our favorite family traditions. You and Papa started Cookie Day and Stocking Stuffer Day, which were the best days ever!!! I promise I will remember to sing to baby Jesus on Christmas Eve with the kids. We all know that was always incredibly important to you. 

Watching our favorite shows in February when they return will be hard. We had so much to talk about! 

Thanks for always being there through all my highs and lows. I promise I am going to figure out the stuff we spoke about. I have to make it happen for you. I promise I am going to do that bucket list we talked about. It just might take me a while due to accessibility issues. But, it’s happening! I will LIVE a tiny bit just for you. 

Thanks for making me fall in love with Astronomy and books, and I am grateful I have your favorite book you gave me last year. Whenever I see the stars, I’ll always be thinking of you and saying Hello.

It’s not goodbye, and it never will be…. so its

I'll see you later then……

Love always and forever your favorite Granddaughter, 

 🤟🏻 Danielle, and Dory, too.